Trump Selects Rudy Giuliani To Protect Us From Hackers, Seriously

Why call Symantec or Microsoft or Apple when you can get Rudy Giuliani to lead the cavalry against the evil hackers of the world? When I think cyber security, I think Giuliani! Don’t you? Gizmodo certainly seems to.

“The President-elect decided that he wanted to bring in, on a regular basis, the people in the private sector, the corporate leaders in particular, the thought leaders, who were working on security for cyber,” Rudy Giuliani said this morning on Fox & Friends. “Because we’re so far behind.”

“It’s his belief, which I share, that a lot of the solutions are out there, we’re just not sharing them. It’s like cancer. You know, there’s cancer research going on all over the place—you’d almost wish they’d get together in one room and maybe we’d find a cure,” Giuliani said, with clearly no idea what the hell he’s talking about.

Whaaaaa? I am already confused, and I just got started. Whatever happened to Peter Thiel, the PayPal dude who was the only person in Silicon Valley to actually endorse Trump? He might be a decent choice to head up The Cyber. Put a cape on it, and it sounds like a superhero. CyberMaaaaaan!


Giuliani does run a cybersecurity firm, Giuliani Partners, which I absolutely did not know until right this very moment. Because when I think about technology, the last damn person who comes to mind is the man who has tried to exploit 9/11 in every way he possibly could.

The Evil Empire put out a statement this morning regarding the creation of this…CyberBorg League…

President-elect Trump is very pleased to announce former Mayor Rudy Giuliani will be sharing his expertise and insight as a trusted friend concerning private sector cyber security problems and emerging solutions developing in the private sector. This is a rapidly evolving field both as to intrusions and solutions and it is critically important to get timely information from all sources.

In addition, from time to time because of the changing nature of this problem, it is contemplated that the President-elect will be hosting a series of meetings with senior corporate executives from companies which have faced or are facing challenges similar to those facing the government and public entities today, such as hacking, intrusions, disruptions, manipulations, theft of data and identities, and securing information technology infrastructure.

And on, and on, and on…I will spare you the remainder, but feel free to read it in full here.

Trump has finally relented and at least publicly accepted that Russia played a role in hacking the DNC emails, but he still maintains it had no effect on his winning the election. He has stated he would create a team to give recommendations within ninety days to end this new hacking “phenomenon”. I think the fact that he considers it a new phenomenon is just as scary as having Rudy in charge of it! Is this real life? Since Rudy was passed over for Secretary of State, this really does feel like a consolation prize. Per the Chicago Tribune, this is an informal position, and it is not yet known whether it will be a paid role. My favorite part of this entire ridiculous mess?

The participants will not necessarily be expected to produce a report on their findings or come to a consensus on the issues.

That’s going to be helpful. In Trump We Trust. Not.

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