This uproariously funny satirical news item first appeared on The Political Garbage Chute.
NEW YORK, NEW YORK — The president’s oldest son was, according to several highly placed sources, extremely ecstatic at the end of the day yesterday. By all accounts, it was a singular phone call from the President of the United States.
“Hi Dad, how are you doing,” Donald Jr. said as he answered the phone that was handed to him, “Working hard? Hahahaha! Just kidding Dad! I know you’re out on the course right now.”
A muffled voice could be heard on the other end of the phone. Trump’s face changed. He went cold and silent, witnesses say.
“Oh, hello Mr. Bannon,” Trump said, “I mean Mr. President, sir. What can I do for you?”
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President Bannon reportedly started the conversation by telling Don Jr. that he and his father still “have his back” despite the latest developments in the Russian hacking affair. Though the report in The New York Times that proved through emails that the younger Trump had himself released that he had been planning on colluding with a Russian contact for dirt on Hillary Clinton, Bannon said that was “all no biggie.” Trump Jr. heaved a sigh of relief.
“Donny,” Bannon said at one point, “are you busy this weekend? The secondary president is wondering if you’d like to go fishing.”
Trump nearly squealed with happiness.
“Oh my God,” Donald Jr. exclaimed, “Daddy’s never taken me fishing. In fact, I’ve never done anything with my father involving a pole. Ivanka has. I bet she’s a great fisher by now.”
Bannon explained to Don that his dad wouldn’t be on the trip. Only he and Bannon himself would be on the boat together. There was a little private lake on one of Trump Sr.’s estates that is well stocked, Bannon explained, but the secondary president would be too busy this weekend to fish.
“Oh, okay,” the Trump son said with a little disappointment in his voice, “that’s cool I guess. I would’ve liked some time with Daddy, but I get it. He’s a busy man, and those golf clubs won’t swing themselves.”
“Oh, Don Jr.,” Bannon asked just as he was getting off the phone.
“Yes, Mr. President,” Don Jr. replied.
“What’s your favorite gangster movie,” Mr. Bannon asked.
“Oh, that’s an easy one sir,” Don Jr. answered, “The Godfather! All day every day!”
Bannon went quiet for a second. Then he had a thought. He pushed gently forward.
“Which one, Don Jr., if you don’t mind me asking,” Bannon pressed.
“The one everyone thinks is the best, of course,” Don. Jr. said.
“Shit, really,” Bannon started, “Well, then maybe we should call off the fish -”
“The Godfather Part III! I just love that film. Talk about a perfect end to the story. And you know what,” Don Jr. said, “I really think it’s the best one of the series!”
Bannon laughed heartily for a full ten minutes.
“See you at four, Saturday morning, kiddo,” Bannon said.
As he hung up the phone, Donald Trump Jr. had an ear to ear smile. He looked at his wife. He looked at his kids. He was positively beaming, sources say.
“I’m going fishing with the real president tomorrow,” Mr. Trump exclaimed, jumping in the air and pumping his fist, “That’s almost as good as killing a defenseless animal on the endangered species list!”
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