Dear Dr. Drew

A letter to Dr. Drew re: his diagnoses of Hillary Clinton.

Dear “Dr.” Drew,
Thank you SO much for the new service you are providing!
On behalf of all patients, especially those with an endocrine disorder, which is totally not the most complex specialty in medicine, I’m super-thrilled we now have a tele-doc option for a diagnosis and treatment plan based on less information than I have to give to get a flu shot at Walgreens. Those forms are tedious, and I get so tired of filling them out. Seriously, what do doctors need with all that information anyway?
I get so tired of waiting for months just to get an appointment, driving to the office, writing down an exhaustive list of every single drug I take, all my current symptoms, family history, allergies, and prior surgeries. Then some obnoxious nurse gets all up in my shit and insists on checking my blood pressure, heart rate, and weight, and asks me more questions about my current health. GAWD it’s an invasion of my privacy.
Then I wait again in sterile room just to see the doctor, so he can talk to me some more, ask me more questions, like all this back and forth is going to accomplish some magic. He checks my reflexes and skin, lymph nodes and ears, ankles and wrists…borderline sexual harassment with the touchy stuff. All of this bullshit when you, a plain old internist, could have saved me by glancing at two pages! I could get a diagnosis, a treatment plan, a prescription, all without leaving my house – or even asking for it! The practice of medicine is evolving bigly! Except for one small problem…
How exactly are we going to get around HIPPA? Did you get a special exemption that allows you to make diagnoses without patient consent? Will all patient cases be discussed publicly, just for fun? Oh, and super-duper importantly, will you make sure the records you are reviewing are actual records, and not documents forged by some bored kid sitting in his underwear in Mommy’s basement? You’ll just have to pardon me, these are basic things I like to ask before I seek medical advice.



So, if we can work all this out, I think it will be revolutionary to the industry. Think of it. If you don’t lose your license for publicly commenting on a person’s medical treatment without having any facts whatsoever, you and your equally unqualified buddies could make a killing doing this!
Oops. Too soon?
By the way, you bat-shit crazy old son of a bitch, let me give you a little tip from a professional endocrine patient. I went through five internists and three endocrinologists before I finally found the two who could treat my condition. I currently take medications that have been used for over fifty years. These decisions are between me and my doctors, and I’m not inviting public comment, least of all from a conspiracy theory hack like you. It is insulting to me, as a patient with a chronic illness, to be subjected to the repercussions of your actions. I now have the privilege of reading every armchair physician’s (radically incorrect) opinion and assessment of the symptoms, treatment, and abilities of several conditions that directly affect me and some of my dear friends. They merely sound ignorant and judgmental; you, however, are a fucking ableist douche.
Most Sincerely,
Renee

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