This clearly satirical news piece first appeared on The Political Garbage Chute.
HOBART, ARKANSAS — Clem O’Connell describes himself as a “staunch advocate” of the First Amendment. That’s why he fervently defends Americans flying the confederate flag. Clem says that “freedom of speech and expression are vital to the republic” and that he supports “every form of protected speech there is.” However, Clem says that he’s “sick and gall danged tired” of people protesting President Donald Trump’s election, and he’s angry about “libtards not accepting” Trump.
On his nightly “Right Biased America” podcast, O’Connell told his audience it was “time for libs to shut up and get on with life.”
“Jesus, how long are you people going to hold onto the past,” Clem asked, “you lost! Get over it! Just because you technically got more votes that doesn’t mean you have a right to be upset. This is America. You lost. Do what we Republicans did for eight years with Obama and sit quietly on the sidelines, only objecting when you know you’re right and only in a very polite, genuflecting manner.”
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Clem said that Americans need to “respect the fact that the very slim minority has spoken.” He said that “carrying a torch for a losing cause” is “just sad and pathetic and only total losers do that.”
“God, get over it, people,” Clem shouted at his audience, “The election was, what, two whole months ago? Just how long do we have to hear you guys moan and complain about losing an election on an arcane technicality? Don’t you realize that rural America spoke and that those fine, upstanding citizens voted for Trump because they wanted to rebuke your way of life? Don’t you realize the most American thing possible is for people whose views are the least popular to be the ones in control?”
After wrapping up his discussion and rant on liberals not accepting Trump, Clem took a call from a viewer who said his school made him take down his confederate flag collection in his locker because they were afraid a student of color would see the flags and worry.
“Now, see, just like the libtards,” Clem said, “to ignore that Lincoln’s war of aggression against the good, clean, patriotic rebels of the confederacy wasn’t even about slavery. Not really. Just because most of the states mentioned slavery specifically as a reason for leaving, that doesn’t mean it was a real cause of the war. But regardless, we should be able to fly that flag whenever want because of freedom. We should get to fly that flag because it stands for a cause we believe in, and even 150 years later it still means something to us the south lost.”
Before signing off, Clem reminded “libtarded cucks everywhere” to “suck it up and kiss Trump’s presidential ring” right before praising Jesus Christ that the “evil, communist dictator Muslim Obama” was no longer in office.
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