Blame Obama For Everything Hotline: Special Victims Unit Case #1

OBAMA_HILLARY_SCOTUSBucksnort, Tennessee – Prudence Highhorse had her granny panties all in a twist when we met with her last night. She called in a complaint to our Blame Obama for Everything Hotline about the libruhls disturbin’ her peace o’ mind. We grabbed our forms and clipboards and rushed right over.
Before we could begin our standard questionnaire, she jumped right in. “I hate politics. I don’t watch the news, and I won’t look at stuff online. It’s my husband’s job to tell me how to feel. I don’t go to church anymore, but I firmly believe the man is the head of the household, and he makes all the decisions. It really takes the pressure off, to be honest.” Apparently this also includes telling her what to think.
As she walked around the kitchen barefoot, with a baby on her hip and making sammiches, she went on to explain, “My friend used to be conservative. But lately, she’s gone off the deep end, and my husband says she’s just another crazy libruhl whack job now. It’s almost impossible to talk to her, I mean, she insists on spouting facts and sources and givin’ two sides to everything instead of just blaming Obama, like my husband says she should. It’s so freaking annoying.”
Just when we thought our eyeballs would get stuck in the backs of our heads, Prudence Highhorse finally got to the heart of her complaint. “So, like, today I called her up to get her advice on how to handle this insurance situation I have, because I’m so mad I could just spit nails! She’s experienced with Obamacare and all that, and I needed her help. Plus, you know, I needed her to agree with me this insane increase in costs is all his fault!”



When we asked her what that had to do with anything, she really couldn’t give a coherent answer, other than to say, “It just is. I’m angry. You know, my husband makes too much for us to qualify for government handouts. His boss won’t pay enough on our insurance, so Obamacare’s cheaper. But this huge hike is all Obama’s fault, and the LIBRUHLS, and since my friend is this left-wing radical rainbow flag-flying hippie now, well…it’s her fault too!”
We pulled out our checklist and began the formal process of filing charges. Prudence was unable to tell us who her friend voted for in the last elections. We deducted another point for her asking the friend to help her, again, to sort out her problems. Unsurprisingly, she had never asked her what she thought of the Obama Sharia Insurance, and we were forced to take off two extra points for the strawman reference.
“And don’t get me started on her pointing out that it’s actually my husband’s employer who is at fault for not providing decent insurance, that the exchange wasn’t intended for us. Dammit, it’s just that I’m a Conservative, the President is a LIBRUHL, so if something isn’t going the way I want it to, then it’s the LIBRUHLS’ fault! What is so hard about that?”
Prudence was completely undaunted by our supervisor’s arguments that Congress is majority Republican, that the President has been blocked on just about everything he has tried to do for years, and that she might be better off aiming her frustration at her elected officials and in the voting booth. She cut him off before he could show her Paul Ryan’s pathetic excuse for a “plan” that took six years to put together, which is mostly talking points with no substance. Like so many Americans, it might even benefit her to educate herself a bit rather than just point the blame at the first person who tells her something she doesn’t want to hear.
If you know someone who needs intervention, please have them contact the Blame Obama for Everything Hotline at 1-800-BREITBART, press #2.

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