An Anti-Trump,”Alternative Musical” About An Alternative President Is In The Works

The following is an excerpt from “Trumped: An Alternative Musical,” a theatrical production written by Ben Fletcher.

Ben’s website describes the play as such:


Written in two acts, TRUMPED: An Alternative Musical is a satirical play parodying the 2016 Presidential Election Campaign of Donald Trump and his subsequent first year in office as President of the United States.

Opening on the final day of the July 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland, OH, act I tells the alternative story behind the Trump campaign and its journey from outsider to unexpected winner of the electoral college. Covering the Russia meeting, the three debates with the Democratic candidate, Hillary Clinton, and the attempts of Russian President, Vladamir Putin, to ensure a win for the campaign in the state of Wisconsin, act I concludes at the end of November 8, election day.

With the election over and Donald Trump set to be the new President, act II opens the day following election day when both the world and the current President, are still in shock. Concluding towards the end of 2017, act II covers the inauguration of the forty fifth President.


You can pick up a copy of the book for “Trumped” on Amazon or BarnesandNoble.com : 


 

ACT II | SCENE FOURTEEN

MUELLER INTERROGATES ERIC

OUTSIDE THE WHITE HOUSE where a toy car is parked.

NARRATOR

(entering)

It would be true to say that across the administration the level of intelligence is not so high, but there’s one whose is even lower and prompts all who see him only to sigh. But maybe his family believe his heart is in the right place, even if he struggles daily to tie up his own shoelace. Or perhaps it is that he has to stay for he knows too much, a possibility that some want to know if the case truly is as such. For Eric Trump has been that thick lump that has sat through every meeting and seen exactly who his father has been greeting. But is he loyal to his family name? Or can Robert Mueller use him to his investigation’s gain?

ERIC enters and climbs into the car before he begins pushing himself around the stage making engine noises.

After a moment, the NARRATOR is joined by two FBI AGENTS and together, they sneak up behind ERIC and push the car off stage.

ERIC (OFF)

Hey, where are you taking me? I’m the dumb one.

Lights out, and for a moment, nothing, until a single spotlight goes up on ERIC on sat sitting opposite a desk.

ERIC

What’s going on? I can see light. Am I dead? I feel like this looks like how dad describes a date.

FBI AGENT #1 (OFF)

Are you Eric Frederick Trump?

ERIC

No. I’m just Eric.

FBI AGENT #2 (OFF)

Are you the son of President Donald J. Trump?

ERIC

He prefers if we call him Lord Führer at home.

The stage lights up to reveal an interrogation room. 

ERIC looks around as footsteps grow in volume until the two FBI AGENTS enter along with ROBERT MUELLER.

MUELLER

Mister Trump…

He goes to shake ERIC’S hand, but rather than reciprocate, ERIC grabs and licks his.

MUELLER

Mister Trump, I am Robert Mueller.

He sits opposite ERIC.

ERIC

Son of a bitch.

MUELLER

I’m sorry?

ERIC

That’s what dad calls you.

MUELLER

Well, that’s who I wish to speak to you about today, Mister Trump.

ERIC

I’m not allowed to talk to strangers.

MUELLER

Don’t think of me as a stranger. Think of me as a distant but kind uncle of yours.

ERIC

Can I have some candy?

MUELLER

I’m not sure I understand you, Mister Trump.

ERIC

I want candy. Uncles give candy.

MUELLER

Okay, well I’m not that sort of uncle. I just want to ask you a few questions and get a few answers.

ERIC

Can I have candy after?

MUELLER

(to FBI AGENTS)

Do either of you have some sweets we can give this kid?

One of them reaches into their pocket and pulls out a bag of M&Ms which they hand to ERIC.

FBI AGENT #1

I’ve only got these, sir.

ERIC

Are they white? Junior won’t let me eat chocolate unless it’s white. He says brown chocolate might try to shoot me, but dad says it’s worth the risk.

MUELLER

Mister Trump, they are just normal candy, okay?

ERIC

Uncle Mueller, I’m not allowed multi-colored candy. The doctor says it might make my brain go funny.

MUELLER

Well, I’m letting you have them as a special treat. Think of me as a naughty uncle that lets you do things you normally wouldn’t be allowed to do.

ERIC

Like when dad asks Ivanka to call him an uncle so it sounds less creepy?

MUELLER

Mister Trump, I’m going to need you to swear an oath right now that you’re going to tell us the truth.

ERIC

I can’t do that Uncle Mueller. Junior says it’s bad to swear.

MUELLER

Look, Mister Trump, I just want to ask you about your father and what he did during the election last year, and I need you to promise that you’ll tell the truth.

ERIC

Can we go eat pizza and watch a movie after?

MUELLER

Mister Trump, if you help us out here then I promise that I will personally arrange for you to meet the star of your favorite movie.

ERIC

Cool. I’ve always wanted to meet Olaf.

MUELLER

So do we have an arrangement?

ERIC

Okay, but I can’t tell you about any of the stuff that dad said I’m not allowed to talk about.

MUELLER

What did he say that you’re not allowed to talk about?

ERIC

The help he got from the Russia meeting, Vladamir Putin voting multiple times in Wisconsin, fake news online attacking Hillary Clinton, and WikiLeaks hacking the D-N-C for him.

MUELLER

Is there anything else he said you can’t talk about?

ERIC

Future mom.

MUELLER

Who is future mom?

ERIC

She’s the porn star that dad has Eric kisses with. But he doesn’t want anyone to know about her because his lawyer paid her one hundred and thirty thousand dollars.

MUELLER

One hundred and thirty thousand dollars? Why doesn’t he just use the internet like everyone else?

ERIC

It’s not always that much. Sometimes they only get paid one hundred and twenty thousand.

Beat.

MUELLER

(to FBI AGENTS)

This kid is so stupid, I don’t know whether to punch him or kiss him for making our job easier.

ERIC

Don’t kiss. The doctor said it might be contagious.

MUELLER

Now, Mister Trump, you love your father right?

ERIC

What’s love?

MUELLER

Oh, love, love is what the majority of Americans will be feeling towards me when I wrap up this investigation.

ERIC

Will anyone ever feel love towards me?

MUELLER

I’m sure we can get you a pet if you want to try experience it yourself. How about a rat?

ERIC

No. I don’t want a Reince Priebus.

MUELLER

I don’t follow, Mister Trump.

ERIC

That’s what Uncle Scaramucci always called them. I miss Uncle Scaramucci, but dad said he had to go away to a better place.

MUELLER

I don’t want to interrupt your story, Mister Trump, but I’d quite like to wrap up this interview soon. So, I’m going to ask you again, do you love your father?

ERIC

I think so.

MUELLER

Very good, that makes this easier. Now, there’s a very good chance that he’s soon going to be locked up for a very long time, do you understand me?

ERIC

Is that like when he asks Ivanka to bring the chains?

MUELLER

(to FBI AGENTS)

Can you look into Ivanka Trump after this and find out if she’s too old for the help of Child Protective Services.

(to ERIC)

Now back to your father being in jail, Mister Trump. I’m sure that if you loved him, you wouldn’t want him to be alone for the rest of his life would you?

ERIC

No, but he could just get a mirror. That’s what I do when I want a friend to play with. I’m not talking to him anymore though because he said I look funny.

MUELLER

Well, what we want to arrange for your father is something similar to that, only with real people. His friends and his family for example. So can you help us out with that so he isn’t alone?

ERIC

Sure.

MUELLER

So who do you think we should lock up with him for company? Anyone who has similar interests to him like treason and sexual assault?

ERIC

Well, there’s Jared Kushner and Donald Trump Junior.

MUELLER begins to note the names down.

ERIC

Michael Cohen, Kellyanne Conway, Sean Spicer, Vladamir Putin, Ivanka Trump, Eric Trump, George popadom man, Michael Flynn, Stephen Miller, Steve Bannon, Rudy Giuliani, Jeff Sessions, oh and European mom too.

Beat.

MUELLER

(to FBI AGENTS)

Look at this kid.

(to ERIC)

Well, Mister Trump, that’s all that I need to ask you. You’ve been a big help to me and your country.

ERIC

Do I get to meet Olaf now?

MUELLER

Meet Olaf?… Well, I’ll tell you what, if you come back here next week, you can meet him, okay? But just remember to bring your father and your brother too, you wouldn’t want them to miss out now, would you?

ERIC

What about Jared Kushner?

MUELLER

Now you’re getting it. Well run along then and tell them all the exciting news.

ERIC

Thank you, Uncle Mueller. I love you.

MUELLER

And right now I love you too, kid.

ERIC begins walking off stage.

MUELLER

The exit is the other way, Mister Trump.

ERIC

I knew that.

He changes direction and exits.

MUELLER stands and puts his arms around the FBI AGENTS.

MUELLER

You know, I think we can go out and celebrate tonight. I think we’ve got those treasonous mother-fuckers now.

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