FT. NERO, ALABAMA — The Alabama headquarters for the Donald Trump campaign announced early this morning that they would be paying to install special landmarks in the state, designed to help guide the billionaire’s supporters to the polls today, Super Tuesday, when the Republican primary is held in the Yellowhammer State.
“We expect there to be yooge, massive turnout,” Trump told supporters at a rally outside a grocery store in Ft. Nero Alabama Saturday morning, “and that means people are going to be piling into their pickup trucks and heading out the polls when it’s still dark.” So Trump said, he and his campaign came up with a way to “help guide everyone to the polls while keeping them fired up, literally” about Trump.
The night before the primary, Trump has personally commissioned fifteen-thousand giant, wooden letter T’s, which the campaign says will be lit all along the various state highways and frontage roads that lead to Alabama’s polling places.
“These massive, yooge flaming T’s will help guide you all to victory,” Trump told his supporters, “and since they’re T’s, you won’t have any problem remembering who to vote for when you get there either. It’s pretty much your garden variety perfect idea from me, you know, no biggie.”
Trump told reporters after the rally he had initially looked into whether Mexico or China would pay for the flaming T’s, because as he said he wants to “make them friggin’ pay for every friggin’ thing” and that he knew “damn well” he could do it but instead decided to “flaunt some big bucks to stick it to Marco and Teddy,” referring to Senators Marco Rubio (R-FL) and Ted Cruz (R-Asshole Town) who are his closest rivals for the GOP nomination.
“It’s going to be very early in the morning when people are lining up,” Trump said, “so we figured having the T’s be set on fire will help anyone who wants to stop and warm themselves up a bit before they make it to their polling center. We’ll also be handing out bags of marshmallows because they look like our supporters, fluffy, white and full of empty air.”
Current polling shows Trump holding a commanding lead over both Rubio and Cruz in Alabama. A win in the state’s primary would be a major setback for the GOP establishment that is putting out a full-frontal barrage of negative ads against him in an effort to derail the Trump campaign.
Republished from The Political Garbage Chute.