5 Ways Donald Trump Will Make America Great

Think Donald Trump can't make America great? Think again!

Stop your worrying! President Donald J. Trump is a good thing for America! He’s got hats that say “Make America Great Again” on them everyone! No one would wear a hat like that unless they really, truly wanted to make America great again, and by God he’s right! We did some in-depth research and analysis and identified five key ways in which Donald Trump will absolutely make America great, and here they are!

#5. Banging your daughter doesn’t have to be taboo anymore.

Sure, many of us find the idea of mashing genitals with people we’re related to disgusting. But that’s because we like our babies born with all their fingers and toes, and the biologically correct number of eyes. But Trump — being the masterful winner that he is — knows that a lot of guys out there really want to take a poke at his daughter, and he can’t blame them, because he’d totally do it too. If it weren’t for that whole “you can’t fuck your daughter legally” thing. Thankfully, in Trump-Merica™, libtarded liberals won’t be there make fun of us for sleeping with our daughters, because Trump will just have them all summarily rounded up and thrown out of the country…like people of color at his rallies.

#4. Making fun of the physically disabled doesn’t have to be taboo anymore.

Somewhere, some time in the last half-century someone in America got a wild hair up their ass and decided that making fun of and mocking the developmentally and physically challenged was “mean” and “wrong” and “only the stuff that losers that everyone wants to die in a fire infested with AIDS does.” What, just because one of our most respected (unless you were a Japanese American, but let’s not go being too intellectually honest here) presidents led us out of the The Great Depression and World War II as someone who was nearly permanently wheelchair-bound that means we can’t make fun of how people walk or talk? Bullshit. Tell that to Trump, who knows mocking the disabled isn’t just good, it’s good for the country.

#3. Generalizing about people from another country doesn’t have to be taboo anymore.

Canadians love maple syrup. Greek people love baklava. British people have bad teeth, and Mexicans are rapists, drug dealers and thieves. We all know these things are true. But for some reason dipshit liberals thinks that imaginary borders drawn on a map down actually define our value and worth as a human! They’re so intolerant of our intolerance. They’re so bigoted to our bigotry. What makes them think they’re entitled to tell us we’re wrong for thinking our white skin is an accomplishment, worthy of praise? Well, Donald Trump will make it okay in this country to once again make racial jokes and spit epithets at people who look differently than you do — for democracy and freedom.

#2. Reducing women to sexual objects and basing their human value on their “fuckability” factor doesn’t have to be taboo anymore.

It’s 2016, not 1966, fellas! And we all know that’s a bad thing. Because as anyone who watched “Mad Men” knows, there is nothing cooler, sexier, or better for society than when you marginalize the gender from whose vaginae we all spring forth. Americans used to revel in their institutionalized sexism, but now women are all like, “Meh, we want to be treated equally and not like some inferior sub-human because we have a different set of hoo-hoo bits than you!” But Donald J. Motherfucking Trump knows that as president, you have to lead by example and he will denigrate women til the cows come home, baby! Misogyny is back on the menu, boys!

#1. Keeping poor people sick and ignorant doesn’t have to be taboo anymore.

There must be something dysfunctional in the liberal mind that makes it think that helping poor people get medicine and education is a good thing. I mean, we all know it’s a good thing, but not if we each have to chip in a few bucks a year to do it though! Imagine what all we could do with our tax dollars if we kept them! Instead of paying the government for fire and police protection, highways, safe electrical current, or education, we could give all that money to big, giant corporations who are run by humans totally different than the humans who run government! President Trump would be bold enough to let Americans feel good about shitting on those who have less than they do.

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