It’s been a long time since the United States has been witness to such a knockdown, drag-out political fight as will be the one over who will replace deceased Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia on the high court. The argument is already well underway, with Republicans vowing to block anyone President Obama uses his constitutional authority to nominate as Scalia’s replacement. But that got me to thinking…what if Obama nominated someone the Republicans just couldn’t resist confirming. Would they stick to their rhetorical guns and block the nominee, or acquiesce, proving their morals and principles are heavily influenced by politics and not much else?
But, who exactly would the GOP even consider confirming? Well, I came up with five people. Tell me what you think.
#5. Ronald Reagan
You know, I’m actually kind of surprised some bumpkin Republican member of the House hasn’t floated this idea, or at least the idea of permanently retiring the seat in honor of the late, great, St. Ronnie. I’m fairly certain that if Obama recommended that Reagan’s corpse be dug up, reanimated and put on the bench, there’d still be a lot of Republicans wanting to block it, but most I think would have the hardest time getting their boners back in their pants before pressing the “Yay” button for Zombie Reagan’s confirmation vote.
#4. Judge Judy
You literally cannot, by U.S. law, write a humor piece about judges without mentioning a TV judge. It’s just a rule. So here’s my entrant. Judge Judy. Then again, she’s a woman, so there’s no way Republicans would confirm her. I think they’d just about lose their damn minds if there were four women on the court. I mean, that would almost mean they had equal representation, and we all know we can’t have that.
#3. Sean Hannity
Look, I know the very mention of this as a real idea is enough to give you soul-shattering diarrhea. But just stop and think about how shut away from the media and attention SCOTUS judges are. Supreme Court Justices are rarely seen on television or heard on the radio. Obama should really, really consider this one.
#2. Hillary Clinton
Okay, this is a hell of a stretch considering they’d pre-impeach her if they could, but maybe this is a great solution to their problem of no one on their side having a legitimate shot to beat her in November. Besides, if they did confirm Hillary as a Supreme Court Justice, they’d I’m sure just spend the next eternity digging up scandals on her trying to impeach her from the bench, which is an actual thing you can do with Supreme Court Justices, so hey, maybe that’s a win-win for them. We all know how moist it makes Republicans to impeach Clintons.
#1. God and/or Jesus
To be perfectly honest, I’m not even sure that if Obama cracked open a Bible, pointed to the word “God” and said, “That guy, that’s who I want to be the next Supreme Court Justice,” that Republicans would even confirm him. They’d be skeptical of his intentions. They’d think he was using Sharia Voodoo on them. I highly doubt if Jesus’ second coming happened between now and then and Obama said, “You know what? Let’s have him replace Scalia,” that the GOP would even go for that plan.