5 Reasons Bernie Sanders’ Primary Wins Mean Nothing (If You’re an Idiot)

Bernie Sanders winning primary states means nothing! Just ask Barack Obama.

Think Bernie Sanders’ Democratic Primary wins mean he’s toast? Think that him winning these states shows at this will a landslide walk in the park for Hillary Clinton no matter what? Think that Hillary has nothing to be worried about?

You’re totally right…if you’re an idiot. now, look at all these reasons why Bernie Sanders’ primary wins mean absolutely nothing…if you’re an idiot.

#5. In 2008, Obama Won CO, ME, MN, VT,  KS and NE Just Like Bernie Has, So What?!

What, you think that just Bernie Sanders has essentially played out his primary fight against Clinton the same way that Obama did in 2008 that means anything? You think that just because Sanders literally beat Hillary in most of the same exact states that Obama did that means those voters still don’t want Hillary Clinton? Psssh. What poppycock! Clearly it doesn’t matter that Hillary keeps winning all the same states she won before, and it really doesn’t matter that Bernie’s doing what the last guy who beat her did, right? Right?

#4. In 2008, Obama Didn’t Win OK or NH

It means absolutely nothing, nothing at all, that Sanders has actually managed to win a couple states that even Barack Obama — who beat Hillary in 2008 — couldn’t win! How can it? Just because it shows that plenty of people think he can and want him to win? Stop it! Just remember that every state Hillary wins means she’s one step closer to her fated destiny, and every state Bernie wins is like, whatever man.

#3. Superdelegates Never Switch Their Vote; Just Ask Barack Obama

The thing about superdelegates is that they’re not real votes, just people the establishment has put in place to ensure grassroots/citizen-led changes in who exactly makes up the establishment is never truly threatened, but don’t let that fool you into thinking the could change who they’re assigned to. I mean, not unless they do exactly what they did in 2008, when Hillary had been leading in presumed superdelegates for months, only to end up conceding in June of that year. So yeah, what were we saying about superdelegate votes being etched in stone again?

#2. President Hillary Clinton Won OH, FL and CA in 2008, and Bernie Can’t Win There!

Bernie fans just need to give up hope, period. Madame President Clinton won Ohio, Florida, and California in 2008 on her way to the White House that year. In this election, she’s being projected to win at least a couple of those states. So clearly, since she won them in 2008 and then spent eight years in the Oval Office as Commander in Chief and not that Barack Obama guy or whatever, 2016 will play out in exactly the same way!

#1. The Media Says So!

This is the most important thing to remember: the media knows everything. It’s not that they’re left or right biased; they’re money biased. They can sniff out the truth by way of divining what story line will get the most attention. The “Hillary is the fated, predestined winner” narrative is the one being held tightly to now, so clearly the people who brought us such predictions as “Trump will fizzle out” would never be wrong about whether Sanders is in pretty much, more or less, the same place that Obama was in 2008 when he managed to beat Hillary “It’s Her Turn” Clinton.

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