3 Reasons Every Woman Should Vote for a Republican This November

Why every woman should find a Republican to vote for in November.

Womens! Do yourself — and the rest of the world — a favor and this November, vote for a Republican for president. Any Republican will do. Sure, you may have heard from certain media outlets that Republicans don’t support many policies that could be remotely considered pro-female, but that’s just the libtarded lamestream media’s attempt to keep you from doing what your conscience dictates.

Need more convincing? Just like a woman to not take a man’s word for it. But fine, okay, LADIES, I’ll give you three solid reasons you all should vote for the GOP’s nominee this year.

#1. Do you really know what’s best for your own uterus?

Sure, it’s attached to your crotchular region, but do you really think you’re qualified to know best when you’re ready to have a baby? Also, what exactly makes you think you can have sex with reckless abandon? That’s only for men. If you want to have sex, as a woman you have a moral, legal, and religious obligation to only fuck when you know said fucking will produce a baby you are 100% ready and prepared to have. You’re probably already all confused from the multi-syllabic words I used just now. So why don’t you just pour yourself a cosmo, sit down on the couch, pop open some snack food, and let the men folk decide these things for you; you know, like One True American God™ wants it.

#2. Math is hard. If you make as much as men do for the same exact job, you might have to do more of it.

Look, vagina havers, it’s really easy to want to get paid the same amount for the same exact work, but for every dollar you make, that’s more math you might have to do. We all know that money math is best done by ladies when they’re shopping or otherwise spending money their man makes. What’s that you say? What about lesbians or women who are single? Those women don’t count! You know that! A woman’s primary function is to serve as a baby oven and milk cow for said babies that come out of the baby oven. So if you’re not married and/or a mother, just be thankful we let you stay at work after we beat Hitler, you crazy dames, you!

#3. The men told you so, duh-doyyyyyyyyyyyyyy’

Hey, I don’t wanna be “That Guy,” but I will be “That Alpha Male” who has to tell you that you’re just not going to win this one. We represent, like, almost half the population, don’t forget. So honestly, just stop and think for a minute. Rest your pretty little head awhile, and ponder it…if a man is telling you something, isn’t that all you need? I mean, isn’t it enough that he’s deigning to show you any regard at all? Shouldn’t you just accept what you’re told at face value because I have a penis? Of course you should, non-penis possessor, of course you should.

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